Excerpt from the book; “101 Days To Create A Path of Forgiveness” By Kimberley Langford

IT TAKES A WHOLE VILLAGE

The man whom society will not forgive nor restore is driven into recklessness. -F W Robertson

There are times when we as a society, may put a famous person on a pedestal. Then they do something to fall off. For years, we may find it hard to forgive them. They may have made amends and positive changes in their lives but if their name comes up in a conversation we may be quick to say, “Remember when they ________?”

We may refuse to forgive a family member or a friend. What happens? They may take it to heart and because of it do something to hurt themselves.

It could involve an addiction. It may be an attempted suicide. It takes a whole village to raise a child and a whole village to raise a person up and give them a second and maybe even a third chance. It involves forgiveness and helping others. When we wrong others it may be a cry for help. When we are not forgiven, our cry goes unanswered.

Exercise: Are you willing to give someone a second or third chance? Why or why not? What does your answer say about you? Would you want the same if you were in their shoes?

Reclaiming Our Gifts and Letting Go of the Dream Stealers in our Lives – A Writer’s Responsibility.

As writers  we have been bestowed with the gift of expressing language.  Our words and how we convey our message is part of our calling to help make the world a better place, lift others who may be suffering, create beauty and much needed changes within our world.

Unfortunately, some of us may have been subjected to being criticized and abused by the dream stealers of the world.  These people come from a position of fear, jealousy and their own losses. They may have had their dreams stolen and believe that if they can’t pursue their dreams, no one else should. Their criticism may come in the form of words and actions.  They may say, “Who do you think you are, you’ll never publish a book and we both know that!” Or, “You don’t know what you’re saying and no one else is going to believe you anyway!”

They may try to stop us from achieving our dreams and goals. A parent may withhold financial help if their child does not choose a career that they think the child should follow.  A spouse may resort to financial abuse, sabotage and ridicule.

Reclaiming our dreams takes courage, strength and a belief in our abilities and talent.

I’m going to share with you my own story about how I reclaimed my dream of becoming a published author.

While growing up, I used to draw pictures and make up stories to go with them. Most of these pictures were about several sisters within a family.  I would spend hours engaged in this activity.  At school, I excelled in Literature and creative writing. My teachers and my mother supported me wholeheartedly.  However, there was one person who did not agree with what I was doing.  That person was my step-father.

To him, my writing was “stupid” and writers, like anyone else who pursued creative interests were degenerate people who were sexually promiscuous and lazy loafers.  Obviously, he hadn’t written a 5,000 word research paper for one of his University courses!

His cruel criticism of my work left an indelible mark which affected my ability to write. In fact, I suffered from writer’s block for several years because I chose to believe what he had told me. My step father was a scientist who spoke English as a second language. Years later, I was discussing what my step father had done to me with my Uncle who said, “I can’t believe you still fall for what he told you. Don’t you remember how the people in his lab gave him a tee shirt that had the phrase “This Sentence No Verb” written on it?”  It was then that I began to write again.

However, I had to face yet another dream stealer.

The man I was married to had ideas about who would make money writing and I obviously wasn’t one of them. Our marriage was an abusive one where he decided he had to control my life. Or should I say, I allowed him to control my life. I could only write for a certain time each day.  The money I earned from work was not to be used to buy computer equipment, cartridges or paper needed to write.  I found a way around this.  I took on clients and would have them pay a deposit before I started work for them. I would use the money to buy supplies.

Our marriage quickly crumbled.  Once he had left the matrimonial home, I began to write.  The first of my books, “The Evolving Woman Series,” was written during a time of reflection and healing. I published it in 2004.   I have since gone on to publish “101 Days to Create a Path of Non-Judgment,” as well as, “101 Days to Create a Path of Forgiveness.”  I am currently working on two more books and am the publisher of a successful newsletter, “Compassionate Evolution,” which helps empower people to move forward in their lives.

Reclaiming my gift as a writer has taken courage and persistence. 

When reclaiming our gifts that were taken from us by dream stealers it is important to understand what makes these people tick. As I mentioned before, they often come from a position of fear, jealousy and their own losses.  They may fear losing control over us. After all what would happen to them if we were to become successful? They may lose us or their position within the relationship.  We may be stuck in the belief that we are being selfish if we do stand up for ourselves and pursue our passion, when in fact, we are doing ourselves and others a great disservice by giving into the dream stealer’s demands.

Dream stealers are toxic individuals who drain us of our inalienable right to be who we are meant to be.  Letting go of these people is the first step we need to take in order to achieve our dreams and fulfill our destiny.  Just think of those who you may fail to help out and who need you the most because you give into the wiles of dream stealers.

Confronting the dream stealers in our lives does drain us of energy. However, we must let them know how they are actually hurting themselves when they put us down. They jeapordize relationships. They leave a legacy of pain and emotional scars.   They need professional help to get them through their own feelings of insecurity, fear and low self-worth.  With professional help they themselves may be able to reclaim and pursue their own lost dreams.

             When we reclaim our dreams we reclaim who we are and all that we’re meant to be.

 

 

Silenced Woman- An Excerpt from “The Evolving Woman Series…Daily Reflections”

Silenced Woman

Silenced Woman has lost her voice. It has been stolen from her. It

keeps her from speaking up and telling her truth.

Many times, this occurs during childhood. She may have been told

that “nice girls don’t say things like that!” or, she may have been

punished for asking the wrong question, or for speaking up for herself.

Often times it will continue into adulthood. She may also fi nd herself

in abusive relationships where the punishment for speaking her mind

results in such consequences as verbal attacks, fi nancial abuse, or

physical abuse.

Silenced Woman is often thought of as shy or quiet. Many times, a

Silenced Woman is a people-pleaser who says and does what she’s

told to do. She does not counter abuse with assertiveness, nor does

she engage in debates.

Since Silenced Woman cannot speak her mind for fear of a reprisal,

she begins to stuff her words and feelings with food, alcohol, or other

compulsive disorders. It helps to numb the pain and forget that she

has lost her voice. She has lost her truth. Very often, as a peoplepleaser,

she will say what people want to hear, or make promises that

she cannot fulfi ll, just to keep herself safe. When she repeatedly

does not follow through on her promises, she may either face being

abandoned, or if in an abusive relationship, her partner may “punish”

her. She does not follow-through because she did not want to do what

she promised to do in the fi rst place, but out of fear, said she would.

Not following-through, is also an act of rebellion.

We can fi nd many Silenced Women living in homes where abuse and

control reigns. They also fi nd refuge in the local Women’s Shelter.

The most marked example of a Silenced Woman was found within

Afghanistan during the Taliban Reign.

Once the Silenced Woman fi nds her voice, she begins to be heard

clearly and her truth is stated with conviction. Many times, she will

begin to reach out to other Silenced Women and help them fi nd their

voices. She does this by writing about her own experiences, becoming

an advocate for the rights of women, or becoming a public speaker.

Thought for the Day:

I will speak my truth and be heard.

Exercise for the Day:

When have you felt like a Silenced Woman?

How did you react? What are you doing about it now?

The Entitlement Generation – As parents are we responsible?

While I was growing up in the 1970’s I was a part of a growing statistic of children referred to as the “Latchkey generation.” My mother, who had separated and later divorced my father, was one of those women who had to work outside of the home. Living on welfare was not an option for her. She was and will always be a woman who prides herself on being independent, working through her challenges and being empowered.  She worked at a bank during the day and went to University at night to become an Accountant. She later went on to be the first female controller of an Oil refinery as well as a successful entrepreneur.

My brother not only had his own paper route at the age of 13, he had “employees” who worked with him delivering the daily paper.  I had my own babysitting business.  The money we made was used to buy ourselves clothes, go to the movies or spend during our family vacations.  When I was 16 I was working part-time in a fast food restaurant. By the age of 18 I was managing a restaurant and when I was 20 I was going to college full time, working part time and paying rent and utilities for a one bedroom apartment that I shared with my boyfriend.

My brother and I adopted my mother’s work ethic.  We learned the importance of taking the initiative and taking our lives and careers into our own hands.  We worked hard and now, many years later we can both thank our mother for what she taught us and pat ourselves on the back for our own successes.  We learned how to make do with what we had and if we decided that we wanted something better that we had better work for it!

When my generation graduated from high school we were not only excited about leaving school and going to work or onto post secondary institutions, we were also excited about becoming independent and leaving the nest.  We didn’t want to have to report to our parents, stick to a rigid curfew or follow their plans for who we should be as we made the transition from adolescence into adulthood.  We wanted to make our own way and create our own lives.

Flash forward to 2011, when I hear stories from my friends about their children who have become complacent with having a life filled with luxuries and gizmos, and refuse to leave the nest. They still want to rely on their parents or someone else to pay their way through life for them.  They have refused the gifts that come with independence, being autonomous and working through life’s challenges to become stronger people (who will be raising and mentoring the next generation) for a life of luxury where they can come home to watch a big screen television, spend countless hours playing on the computer or other electronic gizmos as I call them. While their parents still pay their way for them.

When my friends and I embraced the fact that we could live on our own we could care less if we had a black and white TV (which today’s youth probably don’t even remember), and had milk cartons that we used as furniture. We had our freedom and our independence.

Today’s youth seem to be enslaved by the belief that if they don’t have all the luxuries that their parents worked hard to acquire, that their world will go to hell in the proverbial hand basket.

And when I say the word ‘youth’ it is as a  generalization as I know of several young people who do work hard and are looking forward to the day when they too, have a place of their own.

Recently, I spoke with a few young women who thought that finding a rich man could be the answer to all their problems.  It could be the rash of Reality TV shows and other Dramas that portray being attached to a rich man as bringing  a life of ease and luxury that has them fantasizing that they too, can live such a life.

I also have met women who are married to rich men who support them.  It is not as it appears on television.  These women work hard to maintain their image and their relationship.  Many of these men are high maintenance and expect their wives to be cultured, well educated and able to hold an intelligent conversation, and be well versed in etiquette.  They go to the gym to ensure they remain fit and slim.  They have a strong and intelligent vocabulary that leaves little room for dropping the ‘F’ bomb as every second word. They visit the spas and beauty parlours to make sure they fit the image of the “Corporate Wives.” Being the wife of a rich man takes a lot of effort and does not leave room for sitting around, eating bon bons and drinking champagne while watching Reality television programs all day.

I am disappointed in these young people, especially those young ladies who believe that they are entitled to whatever they want without having to work for it.

It makes me question – if what my mother and the women of her generation did during the 1960’s and 1970’s to help women break through the glass ceiling was in vain.

As parents we would like to protect our children and keep them from having to go through the hard lessons that we may have had to learn. But my question is; what are they going to learn about becoming strong, independent and empowered men and women if we continue to hand them everything on a silver platter?

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